aug. 11 2025–full body

my shoulder hurts. more specifically, my shoulder joint hurts. every time i move my arm i can feel the misalignment—like when one of your pencils on your desk is just ever so slightly out of place; except this is inside my body.

it popped back perfectly earlier today but all of my joints all over my body are especially loose right now due to a lack of movement and exercise for the last two weeks—i’ve been stuck mostly in bed with migraines or avoiding migraines. so it’s once again not in the right spot. (i have theories about hEDS on a cellular level causing this but i’m not a medical researcher)

there’s a chance that i injured it more seriously than i thought from my bathtub fall last week (on friday 08/08) when i slipped and my arm slammed against the metal holding bar we installed for me to have more support in there.

my entire right arm has been hurting and aching and causing problems since that fall, so who knows what’s going on inside of there. my elbow aches, probably from overuse—i’ve been writing and typing more than i should because it’s almost all i can do these days. my wrist also is popping and aching a lot, less than my elbow though which sends little messages of pain to all the little nerve fibers in my arm. they are all working together to torture me in one long chain of cell upheaval; maybe they’re unionizing.

my back hurts the way most peoples back hurts after a long day of work. This is pain i’m used to, pain i live with almost everyday, pain thst normally doesnt phase me. today it is phasing me because it is adding the pain spreading and rolling over my entire body like a wave in the ocean that is just desperate to murder you.

imagine thrashing around in the undertow. saltwater in your nose, your whole body is tense, every muscle fighting to live. you can’t get above it. you’re fighting for your life. somehow, after what seemed like a terrifying eternity of suffering, you are sputtering on the beach. think not of the euphoria of survival; think on how your body would feel the next day, after being beaten almost to death by water. think of that and you’ll be close to imagining what i experience on a regular basis, including today.